the weekend
Ms.Popular's boyfriend has just introduced me to one of the cutest girls i've seen in a loooooong while.
of course this means that
-i will probably never see her again
-she hated me the moment she saw me
-she think i'm crazy (she's talked to me for a full 2 minutes, so she's had plenty of time)
jesus what a smile
the only think Jay had to say was "yeah, I noticed you liked her"
we're all doomed
but its the weekend
aaaah, the weekend
week+end=happyness
Jay has pointed out that I am inconsistent
that one time a called a sniffer a sniffer, and another time I called a sniffer a "sniffy".
according to him:
-I should feel miserable
-I should blog about this inconsistence and about how miserable I feel
-I should wonder about my own existence
Truth is, I couldn't care less, snickers+coffee=the most disgusting thing I could imagine eating (and this beats human raw flesh, roadkill and the like)
Also, I am still not awake. So, I actually don't care much about anything at all right now
Note:
Jay just pointed out that I should have spelled "sniffy", "sniffee".
He is right, I am wrong.
Right now, I wonder which one of the both of us has less of a life
Note2:
Jay just said that this "no-life" has more sense than a life without sense
whatever that means
I also just mentioned that I am going to regret that he came to the office so early today (at least 45m earlier than usual).
I think he's right
What he doesn't realise is that I regret him coming at all, every day :)
So this friend of mine has directed a short film: "Nave #527"
It's in Spanish
Its the story of a dude who wakes up in an abandoned warehouse, he doesn't remember shit, and he can't find the exit.
Feels kind of like the story of my life.
everyday, I wake up, and I'm trapped in nonsense.
except my life is a little more like Cube, I go through the day wondering if cutting cables are going to come out of the walls and cut me to pieces
anyway,
here's the trailer
Jay "can" have, "sometimes", good ideas.
It important to emphasize on the "can" and the "sometimes"
-I'm going to to get some chips!
-oh..wait, wait,
-you want some?
-yeah, fuck yeah, that's a great idea (i never have chips in the office, but i really felt like getting something salty)
-allright
Jay comes back up
He has two packs of chips
unfortunately both of them are blue
and i know what that color blue means
it means...paprika.
-Paprika? you got paprika? (and I feel bad, because he did do me a huge favor), seriously?
-well, if you don't want it (looking at me, as usual, as if I was a lunatic - which I am, I suppose) yo u can give it to me. I'll be happy to eat both.
I think about it,
I even open the pack, to see if I can convince myself of going through the ordeal.
Am I hungry enough?
As I open the pack, the smell comes up,
that old, mind-blocked, horrible paprika stench.
-Well, if you don't mind, you can have it
-There's one "salt" pack left in the vending machine
-and it shall be mine !!!
I went downstairs and got me a pack of chips
once open, it lasted me about 2 minutes.
maybe one day I will be able to eat paprika chips
that day will be the day when:
a-I can eat a sniffer
b-I get so used to the taste of my own vomit, that I enjoy swallowing it back.
I get up,
cross my doorway
walk into the hall
and realize that I have no idea what I'm doing there
I didn't forget what I was supposed to do
I just got up and walked out
maybe part of my brain though I was supposed to do something?
I think I have early stages of alzheimer
either that, or I have been contaminated by the horrible smell of a snickers melting into a coffee again.
Jay tortured me with this today.
He came next to me and started, in slow-motion, the most unwatchable dipping process I've ever witnessed.
I almost puked
I think I'm going to call the Snickers & Coffee: "the Sniffee"
George Bernard Shaw has said one of the only things i've read about in a while.
"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one"
This morning is quite uneventful, but I'm going to have lunch with C-Boy now
So, anything can happen !!
:)
1h later
C-Boy didn't fail me:
as he came into my office he noticed the cough syrup on my table (mmm, codein)
-"is that for you, or for you sick friend (Jay) over there?"
-"it's for me, i was sick all through last week"
(C-Boy was away, on holydays all through last week....motherfucker)
-"oh, so you gave it to him" (it being the most disgusting variant of a bronchitis i had ever seen)
-"nope, amazingly enough, we got it at the same time"
-"oh, i see, did you both get it while you were doing...."something"...together, in the rain?!"
I look at Jay, and for once, we shared the same look of....what the fuck?
long ago (well, a few months ago)
so,..., LONG AGO !!
I was at an office farewell drink of a (female) colleague of mine:MsPopular
nice crowd, a few drinks, chatting here and there.
And then MsPopular introduces to me to her friend: MsBig
Ms Big is cute, and nice, and pleasant.
and I'm single
So I start talking to her, have a pleasant time, then say good bye
all is cool, maybe I'll see her again one day.
but i didn't, never
ever,
ever
eeeeeever
until today.
-"Hey, your MsPopular's friend aren't you?"
-"hey, yes, and you're her boyfriend right?"
-"....no,....hum...i'm not"
she puts her arm around her face and changes the side of her hair, exposing her neck
-"oh, but i thought you were, aren't you"?
-"no, i'm really not"
-"oh, the way she introduced you at the time, I thought you were her boyfriend"
No wonder I don't have, as Jay so bluntly puts it, a sexuality.
-See the problem is that i'm trying to build this search thing that will identify the most relevant words in a text
-oh, you mean like those things...with like bigger and small words? you know what i mean right
-yeah, tag clouds
-yeah, that's it. why don't you just use that
-its not the same thing!!
-how so? you are trying to identify the most relevant keywords in an article. a tag cloud does that
-no, a tag cloud looks at the most relevant words as entered by some dumbass in a search engine. i just want my thing to look at articles, and find the most relevant stuff
-yeah, so its the same thing
-no
-yes it is! an article is a text= sequence of words. a tag cloud looks at words, that are in a database= also a sequence of words. so its the same thing
-....the problem is...that you don't understand !!
-what i don't understand is why you're wasting your time doing something that already exists.
-if it existed already, I wouldn't be doing it
-you are doing it
(he stares at me like a)i'm dumb. b)he hopes I die, right now)
moments later
I put on a song
a great song: Nothing Else Matters by Metallica.
-Are those the Scorpions?
-No, its Metallica (As a Metallica fan, I'm right-down offended, but I casually downplay it)
-It's basically the same thing
-yeah, its the same thing as in what you're doing is the same thing as a tag cloud and you're wasting your time
MOUAHAHAAAAaaa
I'm sick, i'm still sick
every day, my sickness evolves
today its headache+loads of mucus
its great
i get to the office, later than usual, after a traffic jam.
why a traffic jam
I don't know
maybe the beautiful combination of a railroad strike, and works on all the main avenues from my house to my office
I don't know
I sit at my desk, and dwell on my condition.
Jay comes in, he sees me and asks:
-How are you?
(you bastard, you know i'm sick)
-BAD!!
-HAHAHAHAHAHA, you're gonna die
I feel the support !!
I'm sick
Jay is sick.
somehow we have both ended with the same shit.
and no, we are not lovers
anyway, I see Jay focused on his screen, his right hand busy with what looks like a tablet of pills.
-"That looks like medicine, did you finally get something?"
-"mmhhmmm"
-"its homeopathic right" (I should have said homoepathic)
-"mmmhmmm"
-"haha, you're so never gonna get well man, I trust Novartis!!" I claim, raising my fist in the air in obvious and superiour victoriousness.
-"yep, that's what's wrong..."
All I can say is that I'm gonna get rid of this shit in 5 days.
Jay: "I just got completely ripped off"?
-"huh?"
-"I just bought a 33cl bottle of Minute Maid, and it only has 20mg of Vitamine C"
-"huuuh??"
-"Well, the can, which is also 33cl, has 30mg of Vitamine C"
-"Maybe its because the bottle is made out of plastic?"
Jay just looks at me like i'm an idiot
-"Well, the plastic is transparent, so the sunlight hits the juice and may deteriorate the Vitamin concentration of the juice,maybe there is a photosensitive reaction. On the other hand, the can is hermetic and completely opaque".
Jay still looks at me like i'm an idiot. But he raises one eyebrow.
Like, maybe I got a point.
What I said just about sounded (i emphasize on the "sounded") intelligent enough that he wasn't sure wether I'm full of crap or not
Also, he lacked the technical knowledge to rebute my awesome answer
I win
I'm the best
So I finally get back to the office
and I see a Post-It on my screen.
the same one I left on "the Green umbrella" last Friday.
I laugh,
it worked.
apparently
-it made Jay laugh as well
-he did not choose the umbrella (no kidding!!)
:)
I'm sick
yeah, even exceptional human beings such as myself get sick
go figure.
yesterday I watched "First Blood" (Rambo 1st part)
I will never get tired of such an exceptional movie
It made me want to see Cobra again
I think I'm sicker than I imagined.
I'm going to call the doctor again
"I think I have Stallonitis"
So, this afternoon I managed to get into an argument with an alcoholic Bum about Basque terrorism.
This goes to show two things.
1)Basque terrorism really is a sensitive topic, even with half begian, half sunite alcoholic bums.
2)I am a well rounded, non-judgemental person: I hate everyone equally, and will fight anyone on any topic, no matter how rich, poor, crazy, sane, sober or drunk.
I'm hungry, I need to eat
Jay: "I should go lock myself in the toilet and sleep for a while"
-"you should. why don't you go?"
-"because it stinks in there"
Conclusion: the only reason we remain productive is because the stalls smell like crap.
joy to the world...la la laaa laaaa
It's almost the weekend, and all I can say, is, again, as Peter Gibbons puts it:
Peter Gibbons: "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."
Dr. Swanson: "What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?"
Peter Gibbons: "Yeah."
Dr. Swanson: "Wow, that's messed up."
more "Office Space quotes"
Or as Matt Dillon puts it in the movie "Factotum" :
-How are you?
-Not better !
Its not necessarily the best Ramone's song (my personal favourites are "Chain Saw" and "Loudmouth", and...oh well, the list is too long)
But this song means a lot to me.
I don't necessarily agree with every point, but I really agree with the general feeling.
"I'm Against It"
Well I'm against it
I'm against it
Well I'm against it
I'm against it
I don't like politics
I don't like communists
I don't like games and fun
I don't like anyone
And I'm against...
I don't like Jesus freaks
I don't like circus geeks
I don't like summer and spring
I don't like anything
I don't like sex and drugs
I don't like waterbugs
I don't care about poverty
All I care about is me
And I'm against...
I don't like playing ping pong
I don't like the Viet Cong
I don't like Burger King
I don't like anything
And I'm against...
Well I'm against it
I'm against it
Or like Milton says in Office Space (top 3 movie ever):
"And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... "
I come in the office this morning,
the light is dark,
maybe because my eyes are not completely open yet.
my vision still blurry, I perceive something different.
a foreign body has found its way near Jay's desk.
A big Green umbrella.
the kind of umbrella so big that even the ugly fat sister of marypoppins coul fly with.
the kind of green that reminds me of pastures, the outdoors, sweet sunny days...
...or vomit, whichever you relate to most.
in my case its the latter.
so I take a Post-It, write "HA-HA-HA" on it, and stick it to the handle.
I also turn the Handle to hide the post-it, and make sure he doesn't notice it.
That way, when he leaves the office this afternoon, a little after i'm gone, he'll get my sneaky weekend BURN !!!!
(unless he reads this post first, but he won't, he hates my blog mouehehehe)
I get this e-mail:
I think that's a quite funny quote... it's from the NY times There is a new yardstick for the size of the universe. It is approximately equal to the size of Kanye West’s ego.
I replied that Kanye West's ego is about half the size of my manhood
according to my ruler, it seems about right
oh, and I hate Kanye West
-his videoclips suck
-he rips everything off of everyone (just added lyrics to a Daft Punk Song....wow, groundbreaking)
-i don't need to be preached about Jesus by a rapper and then be told he's harcore
-he whines, although he's rich
-he has no flow
-the tone of his voice hurts my ears, he sounds like an 8 year old
There is only one master (besides me of course): Rakim
"It's the R"
-"oh!"
-"what?"
-"that's it, you're writing on your blog about our conversation!"
-"no, i'm not, what makes you say that"(yes I am, of course I am)
-"your blog is just a way for you to express your frustrations"
-"well yeah!, of course, i'm frustrated, god knows how frustrated I am"
-"god is not the only one to know"
-"...."
-"...."
-"haha"
-"that was a good one" (he smiles, the bastard)
-"yep" (this is sooo going on my blog - even though you just humiliated me again !!!)
Jay is a generous guy
-"i'm going to get a coffee at the machine, can I get you something?"
-"yeah,...can you bring me a girl?"
-"I'm going to see if I find you TheTank"
TheTank is...well, it really is more a Tank than an actual woman
He came back with his coffee, and without TheTank.
thank you Jay.
a few hours pass
I'm feeling weak
Yesterday I went to the Gym for the first time in 3 years
But this is another story
I need a Coke.
-"Jay, I'm going down to get a Coke, can I bring you somthing?"
-"no thank you" (in the saddest, most depressive voice i've ever heard"
-"no thank you, no thank you, no thank you" I keep imitating him while I try to find some coins for the classic Coke vending machine (its hackable by the way, but that's another story too)
-"are you making fun of me?" - "I'm going to break you face"
aaaah, love, hate, so many emotions.
life is great
the weather sucks again
as Lewis Black puts it "I feel like slitting my veins, to see some color" !!
-Jay, I'm going downstairs to get a Coke, do you want something?
-actually, yeah, can you get me a coffee?
Can you take my mug?
-yeps, and then?
-you press 1+3+Start
-Oook...
I come back, with a coke, and a coffee.
Jay opens his drawer, and exclaims "Tadaaaaa!!!" as he takes out a rather old looking Snickers Bar
-wow, I say
-yeeeeessss, he says, mmmmmh
he then unwraps the snickers and dips it in his coffee
-AAARGH, dude, you are mixing two disgusting things. WTF??
I hate both coffee and snickers, as standalone items. to me, that mix is the apocalipsis of tastebud mayhem.
-YEEEEAAAHHH, MMMMMMMHHHHHH
I also hate Coke, and yet, I drink it. I think its my way of slowly committing suicide.
It could be worse, I could be trying to kill myself form a Snnickers and Coffee overdose.
At the same time I saw what is indeed a delicious mix. one that has all my senses tingling. I couldn't have more expectations:
Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund together, in a Zombie Movie....
FUCKING HEY !!!!
So, the other day I was at a friend's (Bmook) watching "Temple of Doom" and there he is. the little asian dude that keeps saying "Dr. Jones - Dr.Jones" and who wears wooden blocks under his feet to drive a car.
and then, I see it clearly, something my 8 year-old mind couldn't see at the time.
that little asian dude...its fucking Data
Data is one of the Goonies.
so anyway. I decide I must be sure. I cannot live with this uncertainty.
So when I get back home, I start watching the goonies, and there he is...little asian dude.
so the next day, I tell Bmook:
-"dude!! I was right, it WAS Data"
-"really, holy shit, cool"
-"what are you talking about?" (am-pm, Bmook's girlfriend asks)
-Bmook: "Indiana jones...bla bla bla, Goonies, bla bla, Data, Bla bla, The Truffle-Shuffle blah blah"
-am-pm:"What are The Goonies? I've never seen the Goonies"
-....
-....
-Bmook: we're through - well at least until you've seen The Goonies
Yeah, all I could feel when I heard that she hadn't seen the Goonies was that her childhood must have been miserable. well maybe not, but it would have ruled if she had seen The Goonies.
Its kind of as bad as not having seen E.T.
That's what I said anyway.
then Bmook said: "I used to be scared of ET, I thought he was hiding in my closet"
....
And then he said something else:"I've never seen the Godfather movies"
-"What???? But, but, there were 3 of them? you haven't seen any???"
-"nope"
-"but, but, that's not possible - godfather 2 is in any Top 3 movies of all time of any listing ever"
So the weekend is over.
a weekend of shocking revelations, dinners, parties and concerts (Justice and Morcheeba),
and now,
back to life, back to reality (and yes i am singing this phrase)
oh, and here is the Truffle Shuffle:
a shitty day can turn into somthing nice.
then of course, when times are good, I have nothing funny to say.
however.
after a horrendous day, I received a call saying that Moby was going to give a free concert at one of my favourite bars.
I'm not the greatest fan of Moby.
I still can't believe he used to bang Cristina Ricci.(they just shared a flat.....right!)
anyhow, I went there, and it was fucking madness:
so, after an hour oof being compressed in a sweat factory, I go home, I relax, and, My favourite football team in the world kicks the fucking shit out of the team I dislike the most:
I love humiliations, especially when they go the right way
There's so many friends I need to call today !!!
Real Madrid 4 - 1 Barcelona
Just because I'm going to see Justice this saturday and because "Stress" is in my opinion the best song on an irregular album.
my eyes open.
my body is still asleep though.
I see sun outside.
the weather is great.
today is gonna be AWESOME !!
wait a second
today is a work day
i didn't hear my alarm ring (on my phone)
ooops, i forgot to charge my phone
what time is it?
am i late for work?
should i care?
i frantically get out of bed
i look at the time on my computer
seems i woke up on time
on my own
i will not be late for work
great, just great.
- K: "I'd like to try out the 3D Theater"
-"Yeah, me too"
-"But the only thing playing is that U2 thing, and I don't like U2"
my eyes open
my eyebrows raise
a smile appears in my face
-"Yeah, I know what you mean, I HATE U2"
his eyes open
his eyebrows raise
a smile appears on his face
we raise our hands, and go for a double High-Five
"Finally" we both say
"I am not alone"
He hates the music. it gives him headaches.
I think the music is non-original, and boring
I also hate Bono, and his glasses. And the Edge (whooo, radical, edgy, wooww...WHO GIVES A FUCK), and his hat.
The sun is out today
someone else also hates U2
-"You really look akward today C-man"
-"Yeah, my glasses are off, I'm wearing contact lenses"
-"Oh, yeah, true, true. But that's not it. Your seem to be wearing your jeans real high. either that, or your jacket is too long. Dunno, something seems not quite right."
A voice interrupts. An exasperated murmur.
Jay: "Is this fashion week or what?"
-"Jay, I'm in touch with my feminine side, I don't mind speaking about these things.
I'm secure in my own Sexuality."
-"Well, I have a sexuality, you don't have a sexuality."
- "nuff said - good point"
This morning I was tired. I didn't want to go to work. Now, I don't even have a sexuality
Oh well, at least I have a fashion sense.
A fashion sense I can't share with all these tasteless fools, but a fashion sense nonetheless.
Posts
All Comments
