The Real World of Batman The Dark Knight

I have had the opportunity to think about Batman lately.

I've loved the new movie. Yet, for some reason, no-one around me really liked it.
They all keep saying "Batman begins was better. This movie had a cool Joker, but it was filled with inconsistencies in the story, and Batman begins was more realistic"

More realistic? really? Liam Neeson playing a chinese guy in the mountains with a ridiculous moustache teaching secret fighting techniques....wooooo, scary. I would love to see Liam Neeson take on Fedor in a cage fight. Then we'd see if Batman Begins was realistic or not. (Spoiler: It wasn't realistic at all, and Liam Neeson would get destroyed...literally).

Anyhow, it got me wondering. If we want realism, how would Batman really fit in the real world?

1)For starters, his mask only covers half his face.
And lets face it, when Christian Bale is playing Bruce Wayne, we see his face, and when he wears the Batsuit, we can all see that its Christian Bale under the costume....because we can see half his goddam face.
So if we go back to The Dark Knight, Bruce Wayne made a mega-entrance - helicopter + 10 mega hot women at his party. Everyone stares at him as he comes in for 10 minutes straight. He is the total and absolute center of attention.
Yet, when he fights the Joker in front of the same crowd...NO-ONE even wonders: "hmmm, he kinda maybe from the far in a sketchy way, reminds me of Bruce Wayne"....NO-ONE. And Christian Bale has real vampireske fangs. His canines are huge. it's not like it's a vampires vs wolves themed party is it now?

2)Batman is super skilled.
He is highly intelligent. He can do crazy bat-shit stuff.
But, could he solve a Rubik's cube? If so, how fast !!?
And, could he solve it with his costume on? could he? I bet the gloves would get in the way of a new world record.

3)Bat-Pussy
Poor Bruce Wayne, this guy has so much pussy flying to him. I mean, there is a guy who can actually tell the following story:
"When I was 9, my parents got shot in front of me...I am traumatized since then. Oh, and I inherited a fortune the size of the GDP of the USA". When you tell that story to a woman, even if you stutter, you are disfigured and are completely uncoordinated and disgraceful, do you know what happens?
I will tell you: pussy melts!. Seriously, he tells the story, then the pussy...shwshhhhh, it melts. Like the Nazi melted at the end of Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark...IT MELTS AWAY.

4)The love of his life.
She claims that she can't be with him because Batman gets in the way. That's not even true.
What about this. A guy who saw his parents get murdered in front of him, and was raised in a cave filled with bats by his Butler and the Wayne Incorporated Board of Trustees may have women issues while growing up?
Also, given the amount of meaningless pussy he can have, how could he settle for the chick in the movie? Sure, she's cute...But Leo DiCaprio has banged Gisele Bundchen and is now banging Bar Raffaeli. And Bruce Wayne could buy the Company that pays Leo.

5)Number two
The sexuality of super heroes has been broadly covered, so I won't bother. But more seriously. What happens when Batman needs to take a serious crap? how fast can the Batsuit come off? Does he have some sort of latch down there?
What if he needs to scratch his balls? seriously.

6)Piece of crap suit
Bruce Wayne has a lot of money.
a lot.
a whole lot.
Kind of like the money another orphan has...Tony Stark (Iron Man).
Therefore, why did Batman not get a suit that could....hmmm....fly, be invulnerable to missiles, launch energy impulses through his hands, have all sorts of other shit incorporated?
Yes, Iron Man belongs to Marvel and Batman to DC.
Batman is dark and mysterious and Iron Man is a douche (historically, not necessarily in the movie...which kinda ruled).
But, let's face it, in Batman forever....he get's fucking stabbed through that piece of crap suit, he even gets bitten by a dog....this is ridiculous.

7)Batman has a lot of "toys".
So, does he have?:
-Bat-Dildoes
-Bat-inflatable Dolls (Bat-Girl, Robin, the Joker in the Nurse Uniform)
-Misc. Bat-Sex-Toys

-Bat-Kitchen accessories
-Bat-bedsheets
-Bat-bathrobe
-Bat-Garden accessories

8)Alfred
Seriously, most people keep going on about how much Robin is Gay, and the Batman-Robin relationship is dubious.
But what about the Alfred-Bruce relationship.
Father-Son.....I think there is more to this story

9)The Bat-Car
sure, its kinda cool.
But what if soon after the events in The Dark Knight, X-Zibit knocks on Batman's door and goes...Yo, I'm X-to-the-Z - X-Zibit, I'm here to pimp your ride.
Then Batman jumps in joy, starts screaming "oh my god, I can't believe it, Alfred, do you know who this is? it's X-Zibit, he's a famous rap star, he's here to pimp my ride"

Then Alfred could finally ask what should be asked by all parents in that show..."Rap"Star?, "X-What", "Pimp a ride"...what is that about.

Then, West Coast Customs could finally put some serious stuff in that car. Like DVD players with MP4, not 3, 4!!!.
And they would for sure take care of those wheels and put some Bling Bling Rims. Oh, and some chrome.
oh, oh, and a horn that sounds like a cow or something.

10)which tv show would Batman go on first?
-Oprah?
-Larry King?

I'll tell you who....Steve Cobert !!