MILF Solicitors episode 1

It's all about how you die

I'm downstairs, grabbing a morning coffee with the K-Man

I'm a little stressed, today is not my best day.

Jay told me this morning, after I told him that I felt today basically as I felt yesterday that today I was "one day older".

This is great, it means that every single day of my life, my body has deteriorated a little more.

anyway,

I'm downstairs, grabbing a morning coffee with the K-Man

I think he's not doing too good either, he says:
-"I have a bad feeling, I feel that something big is going to happen"
-"what like nuclear war?"
-"Don't know, something like that, something bit, something we will over which we will have no control whatsoever"
-"well, you should console yourself with the fact that at least you'll get to get laid one last time before we all blow up.
I will have to settle with masturbating, alone"

shlak, shlak, shlak, - rhaaaa/BOOOOOM

this is so not going to happen

-"Why don't you write a special Jay blog?"

-"...hmmm"

-"Yeah, a blog where you would write nice things about me, and I could go there when I'm depressed"


I didn't even bother replying.

This is so never going to happen :)

a real athlete

Jay
you hurt my arm

so this is an homage from me to you...

Flaming Baton Twiler!

Drumming

-"I know why you play drums now"

-"I'm prepared for the worst...



...hahaha"

-"I wasn't expecting you to be laughing this much, if I had known that, I wouldn't have sent you this"

:)

hair

c-boy is in my office

Jay, C-Boy and I are discussing C-Boy's attire.
He looks elegant today

does he have a meeting?

whatever

I don't have a meeting

At least I hope

I don't elegant today
as most days

most days, I don't have meetings

tomorrow I have a lunch with a hot chick
I'll be elegant tomorrow

I notice something else

-"Your hair is different"

-"Well, it's different every day"

Jay also notices something

-"wooo, you noticed his hair, wow, your hair is different, woo wooo"

I think he's trying to imply something

-"Well, at least, he, has hair !"

burn !!

fighting french

oooh

they're fast
but they are total sissies

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

sending stuff

-"I was going to send you a link, but I was afraid you'd take it the wrong way"

-"bah, don't worry" (given the situation, what could he send me that could hurt me. I'm de-sentized by now)

-"i'm pretty sure it would hurt you"

-"what I don't understand is: If you know that you can send me something that is going to hurt me, how come I haven't received it already?"

I Jay turning into some kind of samaritan now?
Is he sick?

2 hours ago he tried to perform a triangle on me.



Given that we were in the office, it was kind of an akward situation...

Don Hertzfeldt - Ah, L’Amour (1995)

Probably the only person in the world more traumatized by women than I.

<a href="http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/ah_lamour_hertzfeldt/" target="_blank">Ah, L'Amour</a>

Ah, L'Amour

P-Diddy steps in dog shit

I'm just posting this only because ever since he did that god-awful-abominable-horrid cover of "I'll be missing you" - I HATE HIS FUCKING GUTS

So, guess who's laughing now you asshole ?!
the answer is ME!!

mouahahahaa

MOUAHAHAHA HA HA HA

mean

I'm checking my blog tracker stats

They give so much information

-"Hmmm, I seem to have most of my visits on Mondays".

-"you should look at it differently"

-"what do you mean?"

-"well, during the weekend, people re-charge their batteries, and they come to the office on Mondays filled with hope and happiness. So they think there may be something good on your blog. But there isn't, so they don't come back for the whole rest of the week"...."I don't want to be mean".

....silence

-"well, you do want to be mean"

-"true"

Benjamin

I've recently discovered Chinese artist "Benjamin"

the colors are incredible.
They really set him apart from a lot of the stuff I've seen in recent times.
..and the chicks are hot, yes


The Picture Below is called "The Drummer"


See more of his work, and of other great artists at the Arludik Gallery

Tony Stamolis

Check Out Tony Stamolis' work

Frank White

Photographer Frank White

Amazing UK Glamor Photographer

As you will see, the portfolio is mostly composed of Naked Chicks.

which is awesome.
except for Jay, because he likes Jui-Juitsu.

Vikky Blows - In The Woods




On a very different note,
There is Frank White,
amazing American Get Trashed Photographer

As you will see, the portfolio is mostly composed of HeadBangers

which is awesome
except for Jay, because he likes Jui-Juitsu

soccer

I'm looking at the personal stats of Bojan Krickc, young striker of Football Club Barcelona.

Personally, I hate that club (because it sucks, and I hate it)

Bojan was born in 1990, and he's a millionaire...

-"When I watch the Birthdates of these football players, I get really depressed"

-"Why, because you realise that you should be working?"

-"..."

R's Movie Picks of the Week

Hmmm

watched some nice stuff recently.

Jay would immediately say "Porn", I know he would.
I'm just saying that because I'm sick, and I'm stuck at home.

anyway

I've watched

The Promotion:

Cool Movie about 2 "assistant managers" fighting it out to get promoted.
quite hilarious. but the whole movie is very calm, the jokes are subtle and smart. And you wonder who's going to get it, until the very very end

Kidulthood:

Nice movie about some youngsters in London. It took me about 15minutes to understand what they were saying But from there on, it was game on. they sure curse a lot over there ! and they fuck like rabbits
dam english.

The Foot Fist Way:

an awesome comedy about a guy who teaches at a Tae Kwan Do gym.
it's just absolutely-fuckin-awesome.
oh, and its about real martial arts, not that pussy-wannabe-pretend-playground-Jui-Juitsu crap

Porn Writer's Meeting

Hilarious.

More of the same at The Quiet Library

i don't think so

A friend (colleague) is in our office: Punjaba

we talk

we talk a little more

she leaves: "I'll see you later !" she says, with a smile.

-"I don't think so" says Jay

and then,...silence.

women are complicated

Me - women are complicated (I said)

Jay - no they're not. women are not complicated.

Me - huh?

Jay - when woman want to have sex with you, they're not complicated at all.
but for you, since they don't want you, of course they're complicated.


Jay, I hate you

repression

Jay proposed to try new Jui Juitsu submissions on me at least three times this morning.

I told him to go and try them on someone else.

and to please tell me if and when he intends to do so.

I want to see this happen.

He also offered to fight a couple of times.

I think he is repressing his feelings for me.

It's fine, I understand.

I just don't share those feelings.

Some Advice

ziggy stardust: the truth about Jay

-"Do you like the Ziggy Stardust album?"

-"hmm ??"

-"the david bowie album"

-"oh, probably yes then"

-"sure?, why do you like it?"

-"because i'm gay"

-"oh, you've also read that it's been nominated as the gayest album...ever ?

"no".

case closed

first it was Jui Juitsu

then....

Nikon

-"You should get a Nikon D80"

-"hmm not cheap, there's a pentax that looks cool"

-"yeah, but dude, if you get the D80, you're really going to enjoy yourself"

(i have the d300)

-"nah, photography sucks, its crappy and it's totally gay"

-"you're just exaggerating in order to insult me"

-"true"

My name is deputy Kimble

JESUS

FUCKING

CHRIST

I should do the same in my meetings :)

Norman Caravazza Vision of New York

If you're in love with the big apple you will love this project.

Really beautiful composition of New York

Norman Caravazza Vision

impaired vision of naked women

-Jay: "For this kinda stuff, FailBlog has plenty of cool stuff"

-"Yep, I didn't know FailBlog, but I won't put in my favorites. I don't want to see the same stuff as you. If we see different stuff, then we can share"

-"You can't see the same stuff as I. I see naked women"

-"..." I stare at Jay

-"REAL, naked women"

-"..."

I feel my burn in cold stone silence

He laughs

bastard!

the laughter curve

"This is the best video I've seen while you were away" Jay told me



You know when you see someone fall, and you laugh proportionally to the spectacularity of the fall?

and then, you kinda keep laughing while you look at the person moan.

then you laugh less, but you're expecting him to get up, so that you don't have to feel guilty and can keep laughing.

but if the person doesn't get up and seem really hurt you stop laughing and feel like shit..

...well, that's how you feel when watching this "KEN LEEEEEEEE"

Metallica - The black album cover explained

I was reading a post about Historical Flags of the USA today.

Then, I see this picture:



And I think
-"What the hell is that on the upper right? That's the snake on the Metallica Black Album"
I am not american you see, and I am not an expert in intricate civil war data.

So, anyway, I see the goddam snake.
The same snake as on the cover of the Black Album



And I read "Don't Tread On me"
Which is the title of Track n°6 on the Black Album

AHA !!!, a lightbulb shines above my hair.
I an feel the heat of a genius dicovery.

I find something else



This flag represented a group of about one hundred minutemen from Culpeper, Virginia. The group formed part of Colonel Patrick Henry's First Virginia Regiment of 1775. In October-November 1775 three hundred such minutemen, led by Colonel Stevens, assembled at Culpeper Court House and marched for Williamsburg. Their unusual dress alarmed the people as they marched through the country. The word "LIBERTY OR DEATH" were in large white letters on the breast of their hunting shirts. They had bucks' tails in their hats and in their belts, tomahawks and scalping knives.

It also reads "Liberty or Death", which is part of the lyrics of the song.

Discover Metallica!

don't tread on Me.
said Don't tread on Me.

Liberty or death, what we so proudly hail
once you provoke her, rattling of her tail
never begins it, never, but once engaged...
never surrenders, showing the fangs of rage
said don't tread on me

Today I've learned the background of my favourite album ever

yes, Lars Ulrich is an Idiot
yes, James Hetfield is a Redneck (which is why I'm not surprised about everything I've found)
yes, they threw Dave Mustaine, a living god, out
yes, Cliff Burton rocked (but his sound was badly reproduced on the albums)
yes, Jason Newsted is incompetent, but he had the best haircut in Rock history

I just loved that dam album !!

Ilusion of Sexual Penetration

I pass by a colleague's office.

I look through his door

he's out

the lights are off

it's all quite dark

except his computer screen

Bright colors are illuminating the office.

It draws my attention

OH MY GOD, an enormous PORNO picture

I can't believe it

he's such a nice, professional, clean cut kinda guy (actually that is usually the cover of the most deviant people)

I look closer

what I thought to be a lewd (actually not that lewd), undescribable (actually perfectly describable by my standards) act of sexual intercourse is in fact...

...a picture of his 3 year old daughter.

I am going to hell.

But I'm not the only one

Ultra Rock

My boss is in my office.

I will call him "Boss" to keep it simple.

Anyway, we've cleared up a lot of shit.

Including the most important one: my upcoming christmas holydays.
when I mentioned that I wanted to discuss that his eyes popped.
I cut him short: "I want to travel far and I want cheap tickets..."
-"aah"

anyway, he starts looking around my office and he sees my Electric Eel Shock Concert Poster.

-"You like Ultra Rock" (the album is titled "Transworld Ultra Rock")
-"yeah, sure"
-"you don't look like someone who likes Ultra Rock"
-"well, I have to come to the office"
-"I don't really know what Ultra Rock means really"
-"Oh, it's some Japanese thing, I'm not sure either"
-"It must be something like...French Hip Hop"

Then I look at Jay
Boss looks at Jay
We start laughing
loudly

by "we" I mean...NOT Jay

Jay is French, and he likes French Hip Hop

BUUUUURN !!

HA HA HA HA

JVCD Trailer

just because it's awesome
Jean Claude Van Damme in the role of...Jean Claude Van Damme

tough guy

Loud guitar noises.
Loud drums.
A fast pace.
Normally I would love it.
Right now, I can't stand it.

AD Rock is on the mic.
He's screaming:
Butcher Me On The Court
Too Many Elbows To Report
Now You're Poking Me In The Eye
Bill Laimbeer Motherfucker, It's Time For You To Die...

My synapses are connecting, they are sending a loud message through my brain
"Shit, FUCK!, FUCK THIS!!, FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING MOBILE PHONE, FUUUCK"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING FUCK !!"
I click on Snooze.

Silence.
I can rest.

But in the eternal cycle of life and death, in this neverending recurrence of the sun and the moon playing hide and seek, AD Rock decides that I shall not rest.
He's back on the mic.
With the guitars.
And the drums.
And that horrible distortion scratching my ear lobes.

Tough Guy, You Think You're Like The Shaq
Keep Running Around, You'll Catch A Heart Attack
Tough Guy, What Are You Giving Me
The Way You're Playing Ball, You'll Stop Me From Living B.

I click Snooze Again.

And I can rest.

But in this fight, there is no cat and mouse. there is only an agressor and a victim.
And I'm no tough guy.
Eventually, I get up.
As if to taunt me, to toy with my feeble self, AD Rock comes on his bloody mic once again as I'm trying to take my morning leak.
I think about throwing my phone into the toilet, but I can't afford to. AD Rock knows this, and tomorrow morning, he'll fuck with me again.

Goddam Tough Guy

Bench Press

So

I am in Bed

It is Monday Morning,

and like every day of my working life, I have to Banch Press myself out of bed.

It is an effort,

a real effort



Bench Press World Record

so that's it

I'm back

it's a sad day.

it will be sadder

waaaaay sadder

on monday morning.
I guess I will have one big "case of the mondays"

I will also get to see Jay again.
I wonder what he and the others have done to my stuff during my abscence.
Lucky for me, I come in early, so I will have some time to try and find all the traps the nice gentlemen at the office have laid out for me.

Jay just sent me an email with one of his vacation pictures.
He went to some football game or whatever

obsolete back to the future

So,

I was watching the new Beowulf the other day.
It took me a long time to decide to watch this thing after the terrible Chritopher Lambert movie. I still have nightmare about the mere idea of the possibility of having to lay eyes on any screen showing that deviant piece of uncreative monstruosity which I refuse to call a movie.

Anyway,

So I'm done watching the thing, I look at the credits and I see that it was directed by Robert Zemeckis, a god, and that Crispin Glover is in the cast. I thought about it and really couldn't figure out which part Crispin Glover was playing. I need to check this.

Then, still in a mood to watch a movie (I have no life) I decide to watch the best trilogy of all time. The one that had me dream night after night after night of crazy adventures. The only trilogy that involved a DeLorean, a HoverBoard, a crazy mad scientist with mad hair who steals plutonium from Libyan terrorists and a teenager that wears self-adjusting Nike shoes.
Back to the future.

This time around, I notice other things. Things that I may or may not have noticed before. Things that just creeped me out.

1)the actress that plays the Jennifer (Marty's girlfriend) in part I: Claudia Wells, simply gets replaced in party II by Elisabeth Shue. They even re-shot the end of Part I with Shue so that you can't even figure out the change. with the years passed between the movies at the time of their release, it went unnoticed.

This being said, Elisabeth Shue is so hot, that I would have done the exact same thing. I don't know whose dick she's sucked, but that .... that is the luckiest motherfucker on earth.
Or maybe Claudia Wells died?
I dunno,
I also have to check this on imdb. I'll do it when I have some time, when my holydays are over and I'm back in the office with Jay.

Al this to say that she just got fucking replaced. Hops. you're out, she's in. amazing.
It will never be as crazy as the replacement of Will's mother in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, but that is another story.

I also noticed a few more things like the fact that Elijah Wood has a 3s part.
That Flea has a part. But after having read Anthony Keadis Bio I am not suprised as him and Flea were very connected in Hollywood (LA crowd and all..)

What is most important about Flea is that his character:
hobbies include juggling
sports include slamball
food preference: steak mex
food dislike: fish thai
drinks: scotch beer