depression bratwurst

I'm drowning in unreality.
my mouth is half open. It is drooling slowly.

I hear a sweet melody.
My phone sends harmonies through the Air.

I pick it up.
I see the time. It is later than I feel.
It is 1.30 pm.

I mumble. Actually I stutter through my mumblings.
We reconvene. We will speak later.
My friend can't understand a word I'm saying.

I drown right back in unreality.
an unreality of success, women, respect, money, happiness and whatnot.

-"R!!"
-"mmmyeahrghh?"
-"lunch is ready"
-"I'mrghhh crhhhhming"

I catch some air.
again
It seems nobody wants to let me drown in peace.
Nothing is as quiet as the deep end of one's soul.
But I am not allowed to stay there for long.
Some people feel I should feed.
I cannot disagree to that argument on a rational level.

I sit at the table.
The upper lamp, with its bright, white, incandescent tungsten illuminates the food platter.
chicken
potatoes
a miracle
But my body is not awake yet.

My grandma is looking at me, sitting in front of me, impatient. If I don't eat, I am probably going to die a young unacceptable death.

-"I'm just so...so completely depressed" I say
-"Have you had breakfast?"
-"what? oh come on!!"
-"what? you can't understimate the link between a physical well-being and a mental one"
-"right, sure and breakfast is the key"
-"well, why do you think they have such big breakfasts in Holland?"
-"right, and no-one is depressed in Holland, in Germany neither, with all their morning Bratwursts".
-"exactly"
-"you know what? I'm going to publish a paper in a Psychology review titled Breakfast: the miracle solution!. It will explain why pshychologists all accross northern europe are out of work because people are having breakfast. How can you possible be depressed, sad or anguished if you have a solid start right at the beginning of the day?"

The most ironic thing of it all is that I'm having chicken for breakfast !!

I need to drown in unreality again. I can't handle the pressure.

The Real World of Batman The Dark Knight

I have had the opportunity to think about Batman lately.

I've loved the new movie. Yet, for some reason, no-one around me really liked it.
They all keep saying "Batman begins was better. This movie had a cool Joker, but it was filled with inconsistencies in the story, and Batman begins was more realistic"

More realistic? really? Liam Neeson playing a chinese guy in the mountains with a ridiculous moustache teaching secret fighting techniques....wooooo, scary. I would love to see Liam Neeson take on Fedor in a cage fight. Then we'd see if Batman Begins was realistic or not. (Spoiler: It wasn't realistic at all, and Liam Neeson would get destroyed...literally).

Anyhow, it got me wondering. If we want realism, how would Batman really fit in the real world?

1)For starters, his mask only covers half his face.
And lets face it, when Christian Bale is playing Bruce Wayne, we see his face, and when he wears the Batsuit, we can all see that its Christian Bale under the costume....because we can see half his goddam face.
So if we go back to The Dark Knight, Bruce Wayne made a mega-entrance - helicopter + 10 mega hot women at his party. Everyone stares at him as he comes in for 10 minutes straight. He is the total and absolute center of attention.
Yet, when he fights the Joker in front of the same crowd...NO-ONE even wonders: "hmmm, he kinda maybe from the far in a sketchy way, reminds me of Bruce Wayne"....NO-ONE. And Christian Bale has real vampireske fangs. His canines are huge. it's not like it's a vampires vs wolves themed party is it now?

2)Batman is super skilled.
He is highly intelligent. He can do crazy bat-shit stuff.
But, could he solve a Rubik's cube? If so, how fast !!?
And, could he solve it with his costume on? could he? I bet the gloves would get in the way of a new world record.

3)Bat-Pussy
Poor Bruce Wayne, this guy has so much pussy flying to him. I mean, there is a guy who can actually tell the following story:
"When I was 9, my parents got shot in front of me...I am traumatized since then. Oh, and I inherited a fortune the size of the GDP of the USA". When you tell that story to a woman, even if you stutter, you are disfigured and are completely uncoordinated and disgraceful, do you know what happens?
I will tell you: pussy melts!. Seriously, he tells the story, then the pussy...shwshhhhh, it melts. Like the Nazi melted at the end of Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark...IT MELTS AWAY.

4)The love of his life.
She claims that she can't be with him because Batman gets in the way. That's not even true.
What about this. A guy who saw his parents get murdered in front of him, and was raised in a cave filled with bats by his Butler and the Wayne Incorporated Board of Trustees may have women issues while growing up?
Also, given the amount of meaningless pussy he can have, how could he settle for the chick in the movie? Sure, she's cute...But Leo DiCaprio has banged Gisele Bundchen and is now banging Bar Raffaeli. And Bruce Wayne could buy the Company that pays Leo.

5)Number two
The sexuality of super heroes has been broadly covered, so I won't bother. But more seriously. What happens when Batman needs to take a serious crap? how fast can the Batsuit come off? Does he have some sort of latch down there?
What if he needs to scratch his balls? seriously.

6)Piece of crap suit
Bruce Wayne has a lot of money.
a lot.
a whole lot.
Kind of like the money another orphan has...Tony Stark (Iron Man).
Therefore, why did Batman not get a suit that could....hmmm....fly, be invulnerable to missiles, launch energy impulses through his hands, have all sorts of other shit incorporated?
Yes, Iron Man belongs to Marvel and Batman to DC.
Batman is dark and mysterious and Iron Man is a douche (historically, not necessarily in the movie...which kinda ruled).
But, let's face it, in Batman forever....he get's fucking stabbed through that piece of crap suit, he even gets bitten by a dog....this is ridiculous.

7)Batman has a lot of "toys".
So, does he have?:
-Bat-Dildoes
-Bat-inflatable Dolls (Bat-Girl, Robin, the Joker in the Nurse Uniform)
-Misc. Bat-Sex-Toys

-Bat-Kitchen accessories
-Bat-bedsheets
-Bat-bathrobe
-Bat-Garden accessories

8)Alfred
Seriously, most people keep going on about how much Robin is Gay, and the Batman-Robin relationship is dubious.
But what about the Alfred-Bruce relationship.
Father-Son.....I think there is more to this story

9)The Bat-Car
sure, its kinda cool.
But what if soon after the events in The Dark Knight, X-Zibit knocks on Batman's door and goes...Yo, I'm X-to-the-Z - X-Zibit, I'm here to pimp your ride.
Then Batman jumps in joy, starts screaming "oh my god, I can't believe it, Alfred, do you know who this is? it's X-Zibit, he's a famous rap star, he's here to pimp my ride"

Then Alfred could finally ask what should be asked by all parents in that show..."Rap"Star?, "X-What", "Pimp a ride"...what is that about.

Then, West Coast Customs could finally put some serious stuff in that car. Like DVD players with MP4, not 3, 4!!!.
And they would for sure take care of those wheels and put some Bling Bling Rims. Oh, and some chrome.
oh, oh, and a horn that sounds like a cow or something.

10)which tv show would Batman go on first?
-Oprah?
-Larry King?

I'll tell you who....Steve Cobert !!

how the devil saved my life

...and the price i had to pay


my eyelids are heavy
very heavy
i open my eyes

i've almost hit the rail
i almost crashed my car on the highway

I need to wake the fuck up already

I have two red bulls, and all their mix of caffeine, taurine and a hell of a lot of sugar running up and down my veins.
They are useless
I need to wake the fuck up already

I push the gas pedal, i need some adrenaline.
It helps. but it won't get me through

I get out at the next rest area.
I Stop next to all the happy families.
Children are screaming.
The heat is unbearable.
I walk around a little bit.
I take a leak.
I stretch
I need to wake the fuck up already

I get back in the car
Then

The devil tells me:
-"I can save you, I can get you home safely"
-"really??"
-"Yes, but you must do as I tell you"

I am desperate
I don't want to die
I figure that since I'm probably going to be going to hell anyway....
-"Ok, what do I have to do?"

-"Go to your Ipod, and start browsing, I shall give you the most evil music imaginable.
Music that will make it impossible for you to sleep. Music that will allow to see your family and friends again"

I start browsing:

Black Sabbath....no
Children Of Bodom....no
Cradle Of Filth.....no
Emperor.....no
Entombed.....no
Enslaved......no
Exodus....no
Hammerfall....no
In Flames.....no
Kreator.....no
Manowar.....no
Marilyn Manson.....no
Megadeth....no
Metallica.....no
Nirvana.....no
Rage Against The Machine....no
Rammstein......no
Rob Zombie......No
Sepultura.....nope
Slayer....surely not !!

I get nervous.
If Slayer is not it, then what is?
I ask the Devil
-"Isn't any of these evil enough? Surely one of them must be?"
-"Not even close my dear pundit. They will put you to sleep.
They are fast, but their sound is too monotonous, you minion will not resist long"
-"?"
-"You need something else, you need the most obnoxious, catchy, ear blasting music ever created by man. Music even more satanic and diabolical than an ABBA/Village-People Crossover.
You need:

The Bee Gees"

Suddenly,
I see a Best Of the Bee Gees.
26 tracks !!
how did that end up in my ipod. was the devil aware of iTunes?
I thought the devil was an archaic creature, one of great power but not one capable of such an atrocious and devilish act.

I click on the play button.
I fall under the spell.

Here I am.
Eyes wide open.
Screaming louder than a 13 year old japanese girl at a Take That concert.

-Jive Talking
-Night Fever
-You Should Be Dancing
-Stayin' Alive
-How Deep is Your Love
-If I can't Have You
-You stepped into my life
-More than a Woman
-etc.

Songs about death, and violence, about tragedy, murder and sadness: Love Songs embedded in a boogie and led by the womanliest voice a man

can have.

Not only was I under a musical enchantment.
As the choruses of staying alive blared for the first time, the visions appeared.
Visions of tackyness, of John Travolta dancing on a Glass-colored-illumintaed-squares floor.

But it works.
And, because I persist in accomplishing the devil's task, he sends me a gift.
He sends me companions.
I look in the rear view mirror. Cars are moving to the outmost-right lane. In the far back, I can see three stand-alone head lights glaring

through the early afternoon sunlight.

I first think of policemen. But traffic cops travel by pairs.
These is a threesome death oblivious motorists speeding like crazed maniacs, swallowing the asphalt with their 16" Michelin Tires, insects

exploding on their helmets.
They are a convoy of devil saviours: Belphegor, Thanatos and Lucifer.

I follow them.
I start driving like I hadn't done since my early days; pedal to the metal, quenching my gasoil thirst, lashing on every horse-power the

turbo of my engine can provide; as when I was a happy owner of a fresh and new driver's license.
I am young.
I am immortal.
I am listening to the Bee Gees.
I have awoken the fuck up.

I get home safely.
My ears hurt.
I feel woozy.
My sould now belongs to the Devil.
There is no hart in my chest. It's been torn out.
I have no breath
I have no reflection.
Most of all I need to rest, it's been too long a drive.

But I'm going to watch HellBoy2 First.

jamaican me crazy

i ve been watching the sopranos lately. and Tony Sopranos shrink keeps telling him to annotate his dreams.

I have just dreamt that

1) I go back to pick up my car (with some blonde that I've picked up at my saturday morning football game) which I had left in a warehouse's garage. the reason the car was there is that I had been to a party over there the night before.

(the football game was close to it somehow)

The car is originally green, but the paint had faded away to aliminum grey
All the tires had been stolen.

A jamaican man, staff member of the party, was trying to get me wheels. He wanted to know why I needed them asap. I told him that I could tell him why (I had no real reason but the fact that I was freaking out) but that he would then also have to help me deal with that. He asked no other stupid question.

2)as I was walking in the warehouse I started playing with tools that were laying around, and started making holes in wooden frames.
Then a whole discussion started about how much Jamaican's had to work in the past.
according to my grandma, a lot, according to whoever I was speaking to, not at all, as Jamaicans used to be extremely rich (They have a lot of natural resources to sell). People from neighbouring islands have had to work a lot though (again, according to this unknown wise person).

My grandma was very disappointed that her whole life theory about Jamaica was untrue.

3)Some tv anchor was interviewing a Jamaican authority on the news (although it all looked like the weather channel. She was asking about Jamaican voodoo/evil rituals.
Both the journalist - who had a reliable source - and the Jamaican authority were very persistent on their positions but the journalist had to face reality.
The anchor was doubfounded when told that Jamaican witches do NOT revere Michael Jackson.



I think I have post Beijing Olympics depression.
and I left on holydays a while ago and my car is sitting alone in the garage.

Im a total psychologist...

Chainsaw - The Great Communicator

From the 1996 Official Doom Comic.

I wish they tought some of those communication techniques in my office.
They could come in quite handy, quite often....

awake on the wild side

"What boyband from the early 90's was Robbie Williams a Member of?"

-Take That (in 0.76 seconds)

I was the fastest, and I was right.

I was happy

I was making points at the PlayStation Game: "Buzz"

Then...

-"You're so gay"

-"but,....I..."

-"Gay, completely gay. I can't believe you knew that.."

-"B-b-but...I..."

-"GAAAY!!"

Is it my fault? really?
In the early 90's, my high school years, I watched MTV (UK) every morning.
every morning I watched: "Wake Up on the Wild Side" with Rebecca de Ruvo

So in order to watch a Metallica (or insert other good Rock Band - even though you may argue that Metallica sucked, which I would understand because Lars Ulrich - The Drummer - is a mega-asshole) video, I had to go through:
-Dr. Alban
-Vanilla Ice
-East 17
-Enya
-Take That, and only god remembers what other horrible superfaboulous crap

Moreover, I think that knwowing about Take That is not that gay

after all...

as I mentioned before

Awake on the Wild Side was anchored by Rebecca De Ruvo

and every morning, I woke up to her:

aristocrats

totally safe for work

i repeat

totally safe for work

Jay, K-Man, C-Boy, all the others, this video needs sound
and its totally safe for work, so really, use the speakers for this one

finally, some real self-defense

against fruit...

...I think Jay could learn some real moves here

hit me baby

So,
2 very worrying things happened today:

1) after beying shown some party pictures, I was the only one, ever, to understand that all the people in the picture were disguised as Lady Di (a bunch of them) and Muhammad Al Fayed)

2)I've played "Singstar" for the first time today

its like a karaoke game.

i can't sing

i'll be honest, there's a long list of things i can't do properly.
like:
-dancing
-juggling
-swimming
-peeing straight

but the one thing I' sure there's no single chance i will do anywhere decent before i die is...to sing.

So, here I am, singing, in the highest possible pitch possible. questioning my whole sexuality.

I feel stupid

The song where I did my personal high score. the one I knew best, and was more in tune to.

"Britney Spears - (Hit Me Baby) One More Time"

I am not normal

There are only 2 possible conclusions:
a)I'm completely gay because:
-I know what a Tiara is
-I know who Lady Di is
-I have heard two people karaoke to an Elton John song, and had fun.

b)I'm not gay but I am a pervert because:
-I recognise old rich guys who bang hot women
-I know a song only because the video is about hot slutty schoolgirls.

I'll go with b)

a tale of urination

I am visiting some friends for a few days.

I've met their dog, a tekkel named oscar.

an adorable little fellow.

I think he loved me

he peed on me 3 times.

its once less than my last girlfriend

a worthy oponent?

I bet this guy also does Jui Juitsu

and I bet a certain "someone" would love to "wrestle" him.

sun

I was at the beach again today

sun.

nice warm, but not too warm, wind.

the water was calm and clean.

plenty of beautiful topless girls around.

i took a little nap while listening to the calm soothing sounds the tiny waves made as they hit the beach.

totally relaxing


why am I telling you about this?

because I hope everyone at work, especially Jay, will read about it

my medical condition

3 am.

we're on the street, tailgaiting, waiting for a party to start.
the trunk is open, the music is blasting.
people are chatting, drinking and having a general healthy (well, not healthy at all) dose of fun.

I am tired.
The day had been long, and was far from over.

I ask a friend, Mr. Marvel's brother: Marvelino to move over so I can sit down.

-"Do you mind?".
-"sure no problem you lazy bastard"
-"I'm not lazy, my back just hurts a lot"
-"your back hurts"
-"yeah"
-"because you keep trying to suck your own cock?"

...

Life sucks

Drunken Masters

So, here I am, in TouristTown, at night.
I'm with the dynamic duo of drunken mischief: Tower and Hobo

Here are some exerpts, in non chronological order:

1 - Delusion:
-"Hobo, dude, look at yourself, you really look like a bum"

-"some types of women go for this specific look"

They must be some very very peculiar types of women.
Did I say "must be"?, I mean, they are....I've met a few of them


2 - FutureTelling:
Hobo - "let's drink a max right now (we had some drinks in the car...whisky mostly). Once we hit the clubs; it's going to be too expensive."

Tower - "man, i don't want to puke for no reason, i like to pace myself, enjoy my drinks"

Hobo - "ha! i don't care, i ve totally foreseen that tonight i'm going to puke, and I'm comfortable with that"


20m later: "beuarghhhhh"

23m later: "brreuuaaarghhrrr"

Hobo - "you have a kleenex?" he asks, while drooling a mixture of saliva, bilis, and random chunks of food

Me - "no" (even if I had had one, I would have said no...mouehehe)

Tower - "just wipe it on your shirt Hobo, this shirt will absorb anything"

Its true, these pseudo-neo-hippy shirts can really take in a lot of crap.


3 - A lesson on How and When to Lie:

Tower starts speaking to a hot chick "cutie" while her friend "blondie" is making out with some random über Douche.

Cutie is smoking hot.
Tower is working his game like a terminator on a "Sarah Connor destroy" mission

After a while Blondie starts speaking to Tower

-"how old are you?" She says
-"hmmm, 26 why?"
-"cutie is 17"
-"and I bet you're her sister?"
-"yes"
-"I should have said i was 20 shouldn't I?"
-"yeah, you screwed up;)"

From now on, I'm 22 !!

a way with words

-"Dude, why don't you come over and we drive up to the coast to check out the tourists?"

-"hmmm, why not, unless you want to come over here. the weather is not that good"

-"dude, over there its always hot, and I want to see some nice asses and nice tourist cleavage"

-"hmmm, I couldn't have put it better, see you later"

hooly night, creepy night

So, here I am,
playing a board game with a few friends

Its a little bizarre to be playing a game, meant for 12 years old and up, with other grown-ups. but, on the other hand, its freakin' awesome !!

Anyway, we're at this dude's hangout. an old almost abandoned, family house.
The humidity stench in the air is almost unbearable.
We're sitting at ground level in what used to be a shop.
The front windows are boarded up.
Apparently there must be a rat somewhere because there are bite marks on garbage bags, and because we keep hearing noises in the back room.

Whatever.
We're on playing mode
The dices keep rolling.

Its somewhere between 3 to 4 am.

BAM!

BAM! BAM!

a loud knocking at the door.

my friend gets up, goes to the door.

then, an obnoxious, high-pitched voice starts blaring.
-"mhaaa, hellooo, mblaaahhh!"

That voice belongs to "Mr. Marvel".

Mr. Marvel is a common friend to all of us.
A childhood friend.
I am not going to say that he took a different path in life than the rest of the people at the table. Let's say he took a more extreme one.

-"snrrrflll". He snorts, loudly

-"srrnhfhhlll". He snorts, even louder.

His eyes are half closed. Not because he's tired.
He has a smile from ear to ear. he looks happy as a kite. He's flying. Litterally.

-"Anybwone god a krrleenex? My dnose just exbrloded (it was bleeding relentlessly). I can't gooo, hoo-oome li-hike dis!"

aaah, welcome to the idiosincratic routine of a cokehead

Jui Juitsu and Jay

Jay loves the martial art called Jui-Juitsu
I keep making fun of him, because its all about being on the ground, with some other dude, and well...it's a close contact sport...very close.

So, I decided to google the following 3 words:
"Jui Juitsu Gay"

and well...I think for once, images speak louder than words



Grappling is Gay!


Jui-Juitsu is like tight jeans


OH, and in case you wonder what its like to work with a Jui-Juitsu freak like Jay...well....

Office Jiu Jitsu


a last one. you know, "for the road"

cosmic justice

I think the gods are protecting Jay.

soon after sending him an sms telling him that I was at the beach (read below), I fucked up my foot on the ultra-razor-sharp edge of some god dam pseudo-marble steps.

Result: Half the skin of my toes gone, and it hurts like a bitch.

by "hurts like a bitch", I mean hurts as much as Jay's Jui-Juitsu.

anyway, now, when I walk, it looks like I need to take a shit.

But its ok, being in the sun, at 35ºC, in the country side, hangin', chillin' and....hangin' and chillin' some more...it's worth a little pain.

love vs hate

so

I am on holydays.
i've decided to leave Jay, alone, with his files and his 3 bosses up his ass

I miss him a lot

so I sent him the nicest possible text message today:

"I am at the beach"

I thought he would be gratefeul I remembered him.

So he replied

"I am in the toilet".

the 3 types

I think that there are 3 types of women in Bed, Talk-wise.

1)those that don't talk at all. they usually don't move at all either. they're great. well if you consider fucking a piece of lard with a grin great.

2)those that talk and are fun and love to have sex. if you know any of those, send her my way please.

3)those that talk but you go..."what the fuck?"

allow to illustrate.

-"did you remember to buy yoghurt?"
-"did your ex also let you do this?"
-"shhh, you're gonna wake up the kid"

absurdity

i'm depressed because i can't get a girlfriend.

my friends are extra supportive...
-"seriously, R, I don't get it, you're not that ugly (wow, thanks, i feel great now) and you're not that unpleasant (jeez, wow, I really feel good about myself now). I think you're just too demanding"

-"too demanding, really? how? too demanding as in I want girls who are not that ugly nor that unpleasant??"

-"exactly, you need to drop all those ridicilousm society-imposed-unattainable-standards!!"

oblivious

-"Oh, the Olympic Games start this weekend?!!" (Jay, Friday the 8th of Agust, 2008 - at 15.00pm)

-HAHAHAHA

-"what, I don't give a shit obout the games"

-"dude, even if you don't give a shit...the games are talked about everywhere !"

-"yeah, i guess, whatever. I really want to see the 100m, 200m and 400m....and an MMA championship!!"

paranoia

I've been watching the Sopranos from scratch for the past few weeks.

I'm now in season 5.

I've been having pleny of bizarre violent dreams.

a connection?

maybe?

Today, I was in K-Man's office, he suddenly reached down to adjust his shoe-laces.
I kinda twitched... as adrenaline rushed to my brain.
My Soprano fanatic instinct was telling me somthing.

WHY THE HELL WOULD HE WEAR AN ANKLE-GUN AT WORK??

is he going to carry it while we go to lunch?

Am I going to get murdered today?

I really need to finish these dam series and start watching something a little more normal.
When does Season 2 of "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" Start??

a beautiful friendship

Jay: "You're leaving tonight right?"

-"Yup"

-"It's a pity, I was thinking of having some friends over tomorrow night, and I thought you could come too".

-"It's nice but,..I'm not your friend"

-"I know".

The Psycho-Wife tale

A good friend: B-Mac (contacts me through the chat.
Its been a long time.
He was on vacation.
I was at work
Which is kind of a vacation.
well, a vacation to hell.
he was in New York.
It's also hell I guess

So anyway,
we're catching up and he says:

-B-Mac: "so, i have to go to houston in 2 weeks for work"

-R: "nice"

-"and I sent an email to a friend of mine to ask her if she wanted to catch up
here's her response":

Things are not good here. I filed for divorce 2 weeks ago. My husband tried to buy a $850,000 condo in the galleria area behind my back, but they would not give him a loan.
He said he had no intentions of buying the condo, just that he wanted to see how much he could get a mortgage for. That is such a lie. So there is nothing more that I can do.
There is something going on that he no longer wants to be married.

There is so much more to this story. he initially was going to give me the furniture and help me out financially so that I wouldn't have to go back to work right away, but now, he says that I am narcissitic and that I shouldn't be able to keep everything.

He does not want to do anything to help me out anymore.

His actions are making this so much easier on me. He wants to continue living in our home until the divorce is final. This is strange b/c 1 month ago, he tried to buy another place.

I had my attorney send his attorney a paper asking him to leave. If he doesn't leave, I will go to court.

He is going to be so pissed tonight.

I can't live with him anymore.


This is pretty amazing by itself

Then B-Mac says:".....let me know when you're done reading that, so I can show you the best part"

-"i'm done"


- B-Mac: "Anyways, I would love to meet you, but I will be in Puerto Vallarta that week. That sux. Maybe next time"



I'm glad I'm not her husband

.....

the value of money

-"Do you know how much I paid my Coke?"

-"no..."

-"This morning it was priced at 70c, and now, later this morning, it was priced at 75c....I feel like I got Ass-fucked"

The prices have been raised due to a new indexation of prices.

the conclusion is that 5cents is the price one has to pay to fuck Jay up his ass.
that is even cheaper than a blow-job from a 63 year old toothless chrackwhore transvestite.


Update 1:
Jay also got angry that I started blogging about this

-"Are you blogging about this?"
-"Yeah, so"
-"I told you plenty of interesting stories this morning and you blog about this?"
-"interesting stories like....???"
-"well, i told you plenty of stuff about Jui Juitsu".
-".....right"

If he had told me a story about a 63 year old toothless chrackwhore transvestite, I would have blogged about that !!


Update 2:
I turn around and Jay is watching a video on YouTube titled "IN YOUR ASS"

I rest my case...

not giving a fuck

stressed about work?

sharing an office with Jay?

worried about getting attacked by Jay's mediocre Jui Juitsu? (anyhow, my Geek-Fu is clearly superior to his Stu-Pid-Kan't-Do)

try "not giving a fuck"

I think this is the best life lesson I've ever seen on film.

Google AdSense

-"Jay, do you think I should put AdSense on my blog?"

-"right, I will klick on it everyday"

-"hmmm, you're right,

I wonder though, I think the only reason I should use AdSense is to see what ads will be generated based on the content of my blog"

-then Jay just looks at me with pity in his eyes and says "Prozac?"

-"....asshole"

-"well it's either Prozac, or Viagra...whatever!"

strength is relative

Jay keeps complaining

-"my muscles hurt" (from doing some sports yesterday = having a man sweat on him while performing bodylocks)

-"you have no muscles"

....

-"should I remind a certain someone that I beat him recently at arm wrestling"

-"bah, I was hurt then" (I try to hide my humiliating defeat with stupid excuses, I should have blamed the wind, it would have avoided what came next...)

-"Getting hurt afterwards doesn't count"

then he laughs...

j...f...k....

Boredom at work has reached a new level.

A level I can't comprehend.

A level the Jay, nor C-Boy will ever understand

A level the K-Man may one day reach if he keeps good discipline.

this is like illumintation through office boredom.



If I ever become that guy, someone please finish me. I don't care how, I don't care how painful you want to make it, just end me !!


Update:

another candidate for premature euthanasia

the real world

i think i'm going to use the glasses technique more than once.

just because it rules

also I think this video is finally going to give some edge for kicking Jay's ass every time he starts rambling about MMA and about the latest moves he learned in his Brasilian Jui Juitsu Class (I think he simply likes being on the ground, and being dominated by another man...)

Working Conditions

Someone took a picture of me !!

a history of violence

-"I'm going downstairs to get something to drink, you need anything?"

-"no, i'm good thanks"

-"seriously, you don't want anything? do you want me to hit anyone while i'm at it?"

-"hmm can't think of anyone in particular"

-"just tell me who and i'll hit him"

-"dunno, why don't just hit anyone that crosses your path, randomly"

-"OK !!"

When Jay came back with his drink he seemed unscathed and had no bruises on his knuckles

Somehow I had a fantasy where he would come back to the office with a vicious sadistic smile expressing accomplishment and his shirt completely covered by random splatters of blood....most of it being seomeone else's,

I can't help feeling a little disappointed

Romania

As much as one can think of eastern europe as a black hole of post-communism depressiveness,

You have to give credit where credit is due.

Mixed Martial Arts (MMA)
the most grandiose spectacle of gladiatoral attributes on earth.

Romanians have taken it to the next level

a level where brute force is mixed with grace, beauty....and a little bit of baby oil

Lost in a Vortex

I'm doing a fight card bet with Jay

we have to respectively bet the 10 fights foreseen in the forthcoming UFC-87

Jay likes to think he's an expert

but he's not.

to demonstrate this, I have decided to do all my bets (except 2) by toin-coss.

I have thrown the coin 8 times.
it landed on "heads"....8 fucking times.

I said: "I've just broken all laws of human probability"

Jay said: "Human probability?"

well, yeah...I mean...whatever.
I'm keeping this coin, it's evil !! it was made in the Devil's foundry by Trolls and other wicked creatures !!

babies

My friends and co-workers keep having babies.

awesome.

someone in my office who finds babies about as awesome as I do just told me a joke.

-"Do you know how much time it takes to cook a baby in a microwave?"

-"hmm, no, how long?"

-"I don't know, I was too busy masturbating".


I laughed and then I reminded that person about the best method to make a baby cry a second time....

...you clean your cock on his teddy-bear.

I love life

Don't you?

selling smoke

its an expression over here.

I finally convinced the K-man to watch "Office Space".
a "chef d'Oeuvre" of bureaucratic atrabiliousity.

In any case, I think that both the K-Man and I would agree that we are sourrounded of people like Daniel Chesterfield.

I wish they all suffer a horrible, horrendous, painful and humiliating quasi-but-not-death wich leaves them in endless suffering accident

I'm talking about people who do the most stupid shit imaginable and manage to convince you that they are actual productive members of society.

tai chi masters

Fight

finish him

hmmm, i lust my teenage years of Mortal Kombat

here is the most ultraviolent fight of them all

Tai Chi Masters Battle