nemesis

I love it when Jay declares his unconditional devotion:

- My aim in life is to ruin your day!

-(me) huh?

- yeah when you're born, there's always a guy who's there to make your life miserable.
and in your case, its me !!

what a beautiful day

i'm high on life.
i'm driving to work
my eyes half closed
half open

carried by a current of smog
i see a clear sky in front of me
my rear view mirror disagrees
black clouds follow me

today,
but yesterday too
and the day before
or every day?

i'm one step ahead
but still
darkness is always behind
closing in

in a race i'm going to lose

dizzy mizz lizzy sings
on the radio
"love is a losers game my friend
til the very end"

i'm high on life
i'm driving to work

life can be unfair

I see this image.



And i can really relate to the little dude.

not the one playing the game.

the one getting the integrity of his vertebrae challenged by the thirst of playing a video game.

I show it to Jay:

- Jay; check this out !!!!. its my life's history in pictures.

- Maybe, they switch turns

- All I know is that I wish I was the guy on top.

minutes pass,

I almost forget about it,

and an email arrives

from Jay

I hate you Jay,

I hate people who try to give me hope, who believe there's still good in this world

Kitlers and stuff

bored

work

more work,

bored

more work...

an email,

a personal email,

I open it, amidst my friday morning depression, and suddenly,

an explosion

an explosion of laughter

coming out of my own mouth

it came so unexpectedly

"Cats that Look like Hitler"




I show it to Jay, he smiles

after all, as mentioned in the comments, this is "A Post-Structuralist Analysis of the Socio-Semiotics of Fuhrer/Feline Inter-Contextuality".

dead in the can?

C-boy: have you guys noticed that the left stall is closed?

-uh, no.

-it was closed this morning, it was closed this afternoon, maybe it's just a coincidence

-dunno, haven't used them today

-well, maybe someone gave their last poo in there. I'm sure someone might be missed this afternoon.


All I can say is that somehow I hope c-boy's right

UPDATE:

veni-vidi-smelly

i managed to open the door from the outside (it was locked).
indeed, no-one inside, but some a-hole had AGAIN let the fucking brush INSIDE the toilet. how did he do it? who is this genious?

why oh why?

c-boy passes by and I say hi.

C-boy: "did you guys go to the same hairdresser?"

-no, I went to a better one...ha, haha (i'm hilarious)

-well maybe you had an intimate encounter, you started shaving each other and...

-no no, we're not all born into German perversion, or as Southpark referrs to "german scheisse video"

-this reminds me of another disgusting joke

NOTE1: to this day C-boy has told me one of the most disgusting jokes i've ever heard

NOTE2: Jay is keeping silent through all this

-please...go ahead (C-boy jokes are like an accident, they're horrible -not bad, they're awesome, just really disgusting - but you can't stop wanting to look at it, or in this case, listen)

-well, ....

....bla bla

....covered in semen

...bla bla

- OH MY GOD !!!, HAHAHAHA

I can't believe
-a mind is capable of producing such joke
-C-boy knows a series of these
-I just heard this
-I actually find it hilarious

We're all doomed

brain-mouth incomatibilities

She's tall, with long dark hair, great eyes and a captivating smile. as she moves, she exhudes mystery, sensuality and grace.

she's all dressed in black. it accentuates her face as it is almost the only visible part of her body.

her lipstick is red.
I wish I was wearing her lipstick.

I wish I was wearing her.

I feel something graze my foot. I turn to her
-"I'm sorry" she says, smiling at me

-"it ok, its no problem" I say, smiling at her

-"I'm really really sorry", she says again, smiling harder, staring at me with her big eyes

"really, its not a problem" !! (say something else, you stupid moron !!!)



This morning I saw the UFC match between Matt Serra and George Saint Pierre. GSP kicked Serra's ass for two rounds. the referree stopped the match while GSP was landing a series of knee kicks to a motionless, powerless, foetus-positionned Serra.

Somehow I think this match is a metaphor of my happy life...

I feel some resentment

-Ric, I..uhm..

-what?

-nothing, i mean yeah, i mean, promess that you won't blog about this.

-ahem, ok, (I show him both my hands, with uncrossed fingers as a I sign of good faith)

A few minutes later

-hahahahaha, holy shit, yeah I know, it could also be caused by an excess of....

a few more minutes go by



later on, while looking at my screen, he notices the empty blog entry and says

-when you have nothing to say, you should shut up !!

so I started this post, and a few minutes later....

-from now on, i'm not speaking to you anymore !!

...

airwolf rules

I was just reading outpost nine
and realized that it's true, Airwolf (supercopter where I am) was as lame (boring for the first 40 minutes) and completely badass for the final fight scene (about 5 minutes)

but most of all, it had one of the coolest soundtracks in fucking history



and yeah yeah, other tv shows of the time had cool soundtracks (miami vice, a-team, magnum, knight rider, Mc FUCKING Giver) but none, and i mean none had as the main hero, a machine, and not any machine!! a fucking helicopter.

when you think about it its completely pathetic. at least KITT talked. the helicopter...well, it made a cool flying noise. and that's about it.

and a cool noise, from a crappy helicopter managed to keep me in front of my tv for an hour.

boy was I dumb.

BTW, it really was the fucking golden era of soundtracks.

now, what do you get....NOTHING !!!!, FUCKING NOTHING !!!

-Lost: no soundtrack, the title comes in with a zooming noise
-24: bip-bip-bip,......holy shit, I bet it took an expensive team to come up with the noise of my old casio watch
etc etc etc.

its name is savage

So,

I had a B-day dinner yesterday.
and it ruled, food was good, friends were good,

and I got a cool gift: (a nice photography book)

anyhow, along with the cool book, I got a rose.

you have to understand one thing. the only plants I have, are dead. they were left there by the owner of my flat, and before I moved in I told him...."these plants are going to die, for I shall never take care of them". he didn't care so, I moved in.

and now, I got a rose. a beautiful one.
it has two colors (pink and white) mixed randomly on the petals.
hence its name: "savage"

whoever decided to call a rose "savage" has obviously never been exposed to any real danger, and probably has some deep deep DEEEP mommy issues.

apparently, according to my friend, it means that this flower was for adventurous people.

I took a long look at myself,
a long look at the "savage" rose
tried to refrain myself from describing the 356 paradoxes and incoherences contained into
-giving me a flower
-giving me a rose
-giving me a rose called "savage"
-believing that something savage can be related to me (actually, that's pretty cool)

but all in all, i guess sometimes i need to be put closer to my feminine side.
after all, flowers smell good, and look good.

and then they die.

just like I will.

so yeah, I guess its not that I don't like flowers, it's that they just remind me of the precarity and short-termness of life.

or that i'm too lazy to take care of them.

I put it in cold water (as explained to me) in the only thing resembling a vase I have. a.k.a. an old "hard rock cafe" big glass.

Thanks for the gift guys !!!!
i honestly did like it :)

update:

-Jay, I posted something and its not about you !!

-ah, it must not be about sex then

-no, its about roses

-pffff

my passion is

after a long discussion about the 303 and the 909, and the fact that i really wish I had a Roland TR909 and that no, the software (rebirth) doesn't cut it, because i want to use my fingers and not the dam mouse.




Jay told me that he ended up using FruityLoops.

-no you weren't, you just installed it and looked at it and then gave up !!

-no, no, a friend and I had started programming a synth with it.

...(wow)

-dude, what are we doing in this office?

-what do you mean?

-well, we share a lot of passions, and none of them is related to our work

-i don't have any passions now?

-huh?

-well yeah, my passion is sex

-yeah mine too, since i was like 12 or so!

-yeah, but I actually do it

...silence

-hahahahaha

-.....(silence)

-hahaahaha, what? you're gonna blog about this?

-well, you did burn me pretty hard!

and the good news is

that there is no fat in coke !!

thanks Jay!! I'm gonna start the Coke diet now. it's such a classic

training

- what trainings have you requested Rick

-pfff, dunno, can't remember and won't get to do them anyway.

-there should be a training in cuni(lingus)

-yeah, cunilingus in a working environment

-there should be one about how to sexually harass your co-workers without getting caught, but still getting some.

DAM THESE CHIPS (nachos) ARE GOOD !!!

Hail King Nacho

-You want a tortilla?

-(wtf, a tortilla? all I see is a nacho), no thanks man

-dam these things are good !!!

-uuuh, haven't you ever had one of these?

-no. man are they good

....its like a child opening his brand new bike at christmas.

imagine when he'll discover about nachos, melted cheese, guacamole and other dips !!

are you working?

my eyelids are closing. the content displayed on my screen is blurry, no matter how hard I strain my eyes.

I need entertainement. I push first with my left foot, then with the right one. My chair starts a clockwise rotating motion. It all goes so fast, and so slow, and then, as I reach the 180° rotation mark...

...STOP!

- Jay, are you working?

-(without looking at me, also staring blankly at his screen) yeees...

about 5 seconds go by, and Jay continues..

-why?

-well i'm bored. by the way, you're not working !! (he's watching some UFC video).

-yes I am, I'm just taking a break

-....right !...I think its time we both went to get some coffee

Do you like PUNK ROCK ??!!

- Hey Rick, wanna go to a concert of the Presidents of the United States of America? tonight?

-uuuh?, when?

-at 20h

-uuuuh, its 19:20, .... OK !!!

(saw them at Werchter Festival, 12 fucking years ago, and they rocked ass)

anyway, we get there, and this Japanese band is playing "Electric Eel Shock".

wery funny geys, with great "Engrish" accent.

at some point they go

-"DO YOU rIKE PrUNK ROCK ???"

-(public) yeaaah

- "I SAY, DO YOU rIKE PrUNK ROCKeuh????!!!

-YEEEAAAHHH

- "Im not much for Prunk Rockeuh"
"I'm For HEAVY METAL - YYYEAAAHRRGHH"

and then, I fell in love with Electric Eel Shock
bought a t-shirt, but the latest album, got a free pin, a free sticked, a free poster and free patch.

an I thought they needed the money more than the Presidents, after all, they had to carry out all their equipment.



The rest of the concert was great

This dude, Red Karpet, or something carpet. was a one man show on crack playing with plastic toys from the 80s. he was from Bristol.

A fucking hypnotic session.

I couldn't stop laughing. he went from being insulted to becoming a crowd hero in the space of about 6 ridiculous songs !!!



She's lump, she's lump, she's in my head...she's lump, she's lump, she might be dead !!!

Thank god we both know we're joking

I had the following sms sexchange yesterday

-I hope things are better!

-B-mac: Hell yeah, I dumped that bitch!!!

-About time, she didn't even squirt !

How are you?

Kman (K): How are you?

Rick (R): "You're kidding right?"
I said, as he looked at me with a blank and confused stare.

R: well, its Monday, its 9.30 am, how do you expect me to be?

K: fair enough, you've depressed me for the rest of the week

R: yeah, I know, sorry. so, wanna go for coffee??

R: btw, Jay, want to go for a coffee?

Jay: I can't, I ve already had one

R: But, Jay, that's not the point, you don't go for coffee....to drink coffee.

If I staple my head hard enough, will I die? or will I only get a disability leave?

weekend entertainement

Things i've watched this weekend that I actually managed to see from beginning to end.

1) I finished season 1 of "How I met your Mother".

I have to admit this show is great. I mean, its completely dull, but Doogie Howser just steals the show. I guess Neal Patrick Harris got this role because of his crazy (and completely awesome) cameo on Harold and Kumar.
I mean the funniest thing is that he made a point about openly coming out, but he's still the most convincing and funny hyper hetero I've ever seen (well almost).

Btw, he gets another camo on Harold and Kumar 2:


2) Cleaner

I was hoping for the autobiography of the Mop-Guy at a peep show, and almost got that.
Samuel L Kackson as a crime-scene killer.
pretty interesting story, you don't immediately see who the bad guy is.
-directing is ok
-photography is ok
- SLJ is ok (not great)
- the fat mexican cop is ridiculous (well, his moustache is)
- Eva Mendes wears waaaay too many clothes (you should really see "we own the night", and if you want to see her naked, you should watch Training Day again, I completely forgot she was in that movie)
- Photography is pretty good most of the time


3) The Music Within

an inspirational story (by that I mean, a true story that's supposed to make you cry, ....if you're a girl, or a sissy, ....i'm a sissy) about a dude whose life is completely depressing.

to be honest I only watched this because of the dude from Office Space. he has such a fucking magnetic voice. I wasn't disappointed. He ruled, again, as usual.

Rallies in the 80's

So I was at a club where they were playing hard techno, and they had a screen on which they were projecting a video from rallie crashes from the 80's, back when it was real hardcore racing (R5 Turbos, audi quattros, Ford Escort Cosworths and all those other fuckers really battling it out).

i mean, that was the story I was telling a girl friend of mine, who drives a Smart.
and she started explaining how its a really safe car because it has a 'coque'.
her boyfriend jumped in saying...yeah, a coque, like a cockpit.

makes total sense

I just thought that "the cock pit" would make a really great title for a porno.

needless to say the rallie conversation was anihilated the second that thought went through my mind.

The Real Bang Bus

Saw this a while back, had to immediately take a phone picture from my own car.

I looked around and I wasn't the only one laughing...

meet the Fuckers from Germany

does god exist?

-no, jay, god does not exist, you die, and then your corpse rots and transforms into worms.

-no Rick, actually, worms feed off your body

-well, Jay, actually, since there is new born larvea born inside your body, actually, in a way, you do transform into worms

-but, i read this article that said that out of 70kgs, 40kgs are from other organisms.

-Jay, 2/3ds of your body are made out of water....so that's not possible

wikipedia shall answer this

but i doubt wikipedia will ever tell us if god exists or not

or doest it?God exists?

I think I love blood...

...just as long as its not mine of course !

Silence, and more silence, I could only hear some random mouse-clicks and keystrokes.

as I turn aroud I see with amazement that Jay is watching with a half-sadic-smile a UFC match.

then I realize this guy is my soulmate, and tell him that i'm a fan of the show "the ultimate fighter".

and i start explaining to him that ground work (wrestling with a masochistic twist) is much harder when your opponent is slippery. slippery because he's covered in blood (his, or the other guy's).

this brings me to yesterday's episode of The Ultimate Fighter.

this one dude got knocked out so bad that he started, while still out of it, to moan.
then, while getting carried into an ambulance he was still asking what had happened and wether it had all happened during practice? or a real fight? or what?

total brain damage.

I guess i'm writing about this only because everyday, when i get back home after a day's work i feel the exact same way

-WHAT THE FUCK DID JUST HAPPEN?? was I at work?
i'm getting way too many elbow shots in the face

µ

Jay, (as I turn to my dear co-slave)

-Jay, why is there a fucking "µ" on the keyboard??

-when the hell do I use this shit?

- maybe because of the metric system?

-thanks Jay, like I need micrometers every day of my dam life, i'll keep this keyboard for my next dam job at NASA.

As it turns out, some stupid french man decided some years ago, after a long fight with keyboard authorities that there should be a µ on french keyboards.

thank you france, between the µ and the azerty layout, I really feel like a superior and more efficient being !!

I guess its just to piss off the brits (i'll agree with the french on wanting to piss off the brits)since they also put the "£" above the µ

Yes, I hate my life

all I have left is my hope that you'll hate me too